Little Reassurances

So, I'm an admitted anal-retentive worry wort. I have to plan for every conceivable aberration to make sure there is an escape, or a Plan B, or even Plan X. They should, and probably do, have a twelve step program for people like me.

I've never been terribly emotional, at least on the surface. I have bouts of emotionality, but I typically, in Vulcan-like manner, try to make rationality rise to the top. I often worry that I do not display enough emotion for people to understand that I really appreciate them, for instance: Should I have jumped up and down and cried in excitement when my boyfriend presented his Valentine's Day present of tickets to see Craig Ferguson to me? I expressed sincere thanks and uttered statements about it being a cool gift (and really, as I reflect on it, I get more excited). Second to the bottom line: I don't tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I approach faith in the same rational manner.

You'll notice that the title for today's lovely blog is "little" reassurances. What is about to come is not something big. I had to find a way to fund a particular something with no money in sight. My bonus still has not come (and yes, I am blessed to even say that I hope that it eventually does, thank you unions *grumble, grumble*) and my only way to fund it in the near future was using the big bad credit card. Now, I am extremely pissed at the big bad credit card company for treating a reliable customer like crap and making her do busy work when they are being underhanded...to the point where I feel mistreated and unjustly acted upon. Drah-matic much? 

I finally started to look at the situation in, I think, a more Biblical way. You see, in a way, I am subject to this company as if it were a higher power. (I'd quote Romans 13 but it seems a little out of context.) I am not saying that everyone should run up debt and be subject to usury because clearly that is not the best situation, but it is a situation in which I find myself now. We are subject to powers over us, but God is faithful right? I decided in my heart that I would use my big bad credit card for the needed item this one time, trusting that I will eventually get everything paid off. Bottom line: I decided to stop worrying about it, do what I could with the means God had given me now. And guess what?

Tax return filed-Refund in about 10 days-Problem solved

Little reassurances to faltering faith

Inertia part deux

A while ago, I wrote about humanity's tendency toward apathy. We tend to get in our groove (otherwise known as a rut) and let our guard down. However, to echo Ecclesiastes, there is a time and place for resting and acting. There is a point, especially for control freaks like me, at which we do not have the answers or a clear path forward. How do we simultaneously avoid resting on our laurels while resting in the tension? I love that phrase, resting in the tension. It reflects the feeling we finite, unknowing beings have at being unwillingly ignorant and attempting to come to terms with ideas we just do not understand. It brings to mind images of treading water in a stormy sea, which I suppose serves to work our "faith muscle." I'm getting better at it lately, but I have to make sure it doesn't transition into apathy. We still need to care about the answer even as we accept that we may not get it.

What, Me Worry?

I've had a few things happen recently that in times past may have sent this anal-retentive planner into a tizzy. I have realized that credit cards are the devil, and that despite the fact that they accepted tax-payer bailout money they have no problem screwing over good customers. Due to funding issues (based on the type of course I need to take), I am probably not going to be able to take required credits this semester...for the first time in a few years. Because of the cold (and my own laziness) I haven't been running at near the level I used to do.

Each of these things is an aggravating wrench in the cog of my plans. Yet, despite some immediate feelings of consternation, I pretty much am not worrying about any of it. I realize that is not the end of the world (cliches, I know), and that just because it isn't happening the way I want doesn't mean it won't eventually happen.

So I wrestle with credit card customer service lines and decide to be frugal and not use them again. I realize that just because I may not be able to get credit for working on my thesis now, I can still work on it for when I can get credit. And I have decided that I may just let those winter pounds creep on for a bit until it warms up and I start to lose them again. Hey, I need the insulation, right?

I am surrounded by wonderful people everywhere. Though the occasional belligerent person breaks through the defenses, I know that they are few and far between. I have a pot of chili cooking and How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory to watch tonight.

So, what, me worry?